Eight years

It's our eight year anniversary! Here's what I've learned over the years...

1. God answers prayers...I prayed for a man to be my partner in life, to support me and be a good husband and father for my son, and I've been given that and so much more. I'm so grateful!

2. Sanctification. God has used my spouse to get to me. My husband has shown grace and mercy when I didn't deserve it and given me love and forgiveness when he's wrapped me in his arms. God has given me endurance and wisdom through the circumstances we've gone through and has strengthened my character as a woman while being his wife. He's made me a better person when he made me his wife.

3. Patience.  God has taught me patience throughout these past 7 years. Oh gosh have I had the chance to practice patience. Lots of chances to practice patience actually. Patience with my husband, patience with our kids as we've raised them together, but not together because we share custody (coparenting with grace in and of itself presents many opportunities to practice patience), patience with our jobs, finances, parents, in-laws, and our hopes & dreams. Some dreams came true, some are still coming true, and some dreams died over the years but that's life.

4. Dignity. I'm learning how to win with integrity and lose or surrender woth dignity. Some dreams died, like the dream of having a child together with my husband, and that was a hard pill to swallow. I've slowly learned that my plans are not His plans and there's a reason he won't give us a child of our own, though I may not agree or understand the reason now. I will someday. I'm finally on the other side of grief and am surrendering with dignity. Well to be honest I'm picking up the pieces of the dignity that I have left and putting them back together because I was a mess about it for some time. It still hits me sometimes but not as long and hard as it used to. There's a little more dignity there, and that's progress!

5. Grace. God's taught, and is still teaching me, how to be a woman of grace, especially with my kids. I still have a sarcastic and witty sense of humor and I'm uncensored at home and I'm not the picture of perfection but I show grace and mercy as much as I can. I'm purposeful. I'm a purposeful parent and wife. I think before I speak more and I pray before I act more. And I try to show grace more and more each day. It's a process.

6. Flexibility. I'm learning to be flexible. God's given and taken away. He's answered prayers, but sometimes not in the way I expected. I'm learning to be flexible, like clay in His hands. Again, it's a process.

7. Leadership. I've learned that there's value to my story and experiences and that I can use my testimony to connect with others dealing with similar issues. I can help, lead, guide, in subtle or not so subtle ways. I try to find opportunities to speak truth and love and lead others without being pushy or judgmental. I'm still learning how to do that more. It's hard because I don't want to push anyone away. Sometimes people don't like to hear the truth, I know I didn't when I was going through the muck, but I'm so thankful that I had a friend that loved me enough to tell me I was being foolish (not exactly that way obviously). I want to be that for someone else.

8. Trust. I've learned to trust my husband. Before him I was a headstrong, independent, self-sufficient woman. I didn't die to self and I made my first marriage hard (it was already hard for other reasons but I know I didn't make it any easier). After my divorce I had reason to be an independent, self-sufficient woman because I was a single mom through my separation and after my divorce. I've had to learn that it's okay to let my husband help me. It's okay to take the walls down. It's okay to lean on him when I'm falling. I've learned to trust and it feels so good not having to do everything on my own!

9. Endurance. I feel like we finally hit our groove after year 5 or 6. The first 3 years of marriage were hard. After about year 6 we had ironed out most of the major wrinkles and hit our groove. We still have kinks to iron out and nothing is perfect, there are ups and downs and ebbs and flows for sure, but we're good. We've hit our stride and we're just running the marathon now.

10. Honesty. Like I said, in my first marriage I didn't die to self. I had my own plans and my own agenda and I took care of me because nobody else would. I wanted to feel all these things in my first marriage but we were young and dumb and we didn't do things right. There was a lot of dishonesty on both of our parts. Since then, in my marriage now, I've learned to be honest and expect honesty from my spouse and kids. And being honest means I have to be honest with myself too which means I do a lot of self-reflection (hence the blogging). But honesty really is the best policy.

I've learned so much, we all have, and there's still so much more to learn. I can't wait to get to 10 years! We're planning on having a small ceremony since we never actually had a wedding, just went to the JP, but we'll see. I'd love to, even if it is just a ceremony (no dinner & dance). I just want pictures and memories of that special day. We'll see.