Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Rings

I've been going to Grief Share, a 13 week grief support group, and during one session we talked about our wedding rings. When do you stop wearing your ring after your spouse dies? When is the right time to put it away? Do you EVER put it away? The mentors said you'll know when the time is right and you'll know what to do with it when the time comes. I've thought a lot about it. Do I pass it down to Bub or JJ? Do I have the diamonds transferred into a memorial piece or earrings for me? Do I just put it in a keepsake box? What do I do with it?

Before all this I had actually stopped wearing my original wedding ring. Last summer Mark bought me a simple infinity band from James Avery because my big diamond ring scratched my kids at work. Then, when he passed, I only wanted to wear my original wedding ring and didn't want to take it off.

Then I took it off because I was mad at him for leaving me and the ring was a reminder that he promised to love me and live with me as long as we BOTH shall live and he didn't hold up his end of the deal.  Instead of my wedding ring I wore an emerald ring he bought for me. It was our birthstone and it was special because he gave it to me so it was still sentimental, just not a wedding ring.

Now I'm wearing it again and don't want to take it off. I don't know when I will and I still don't know what I'll do with it when I do but I have time to figure it out. Right now I just want him to be near me. I wear his ashes around my neck, his ring around my finger, and sometimes I wear his big daddy sized wedding band around my thumb (even though it's still too big) just to have my hands where his hands once were.

There are days I'm okay and then there are days when I come home, wash my hands with his body wash, wrap myself in his cologne stained robe, and sleep with his urn in my arms. Whether I have good days or bad days he's with me. He's always with me. Today I was running late and I forgot my necklace (with his ashes). I didn't realize it until noon when I went to touch it and it wasn't there. But I realized it's okay because he's always with me. I still had my ring on and him in my heart.

I'm rambling.  I guess my point was that they're right. I'll know when the time is right and I'll know what to do when that time comes. And you will too if you're in the same boat I'm in. Whether it's a wedding ring or family photos, you'll know when the time is right.

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