Wait to Move

I keep mulling this over in my head over and over, trying to explain it but I can't, other than to say it's from God. It's too coincidental.

I've gotten things in order since Mark passed. All the loose ends are finally tied up and everything is solely in my name now. It's a relief to have it all done but then again it's sad and lonely. The last decision to be made is whether I stay in my house or move. We were renting but we wanted to buy within the next year or so. I've thought about moving forward with plans to buy so that I'm not wasting money on rent, but then again I think I should stay.

If I buy, it's mine. I can buy something quaint and do updates and upgrades to it and maybe make money on it. But then again, it will be mine, meaning if something happens it's on my shoulders and no one else's, financially. It's nice to have a maintenance man on call and the landlord foots the bill for major repairs. And then I think, what if I buy and then meet someone in the next few years and he has a house too...what would I do with mine? Or what if he doesn't but he has kids and my house is too small? Or what if I buy and don't meet anyone and want to move in 5 years when Issac leaves home? I don't know what to do! So, just like I've always done, when I don't know what to do I turn to God.

I prayed about it last Friday on the way home from work. I prayed out loud and asked God what to do. I told him I was going to wait and listen for him to show me, through signs or through people, and tell me what to do. I said point blank, tell me what to do, sign another year lease or go month to month and try to buy. You've never steered me wrong so I'll wait on you.

Sunday I was serving at church and got to talking with a girlfriend of mine, talking about furniture and jewelry, just making small talk. I complimented her earrings and she said the pastor's wife made them and that she's really crafty, she even refinishes furniture. She told me her name and I kept thinking, 'hmm that sounds really familiar' but I'm new to the church so I don't know too many people yet. And then it hit me. The pastor and his wife lived in my house last year, right before we moved in!

I've told people if I could LIVE at church right now I would. I want to be so close to God I'm rubbing shoulders with him if I can. Since I can't, I want to rub shoulders with those that have more faith than I do. I want to surround myself with the word and other believers to help me through this. All this time I've been living here in the very house they lived in. These walls have heard so many prayers, hosted so many believers, and the holy spirit has been in this place. To me, us coming to live here, following in their footsteps without knowing, walking where they have walked, is another way that God is protecting us. Like we're under his arm, right next to his heart, like a good father would protect his child from torrential rain.

I know they're human and broken and they have baggage and sin too but they've also got serious faith and are obviously called to a higher purpose and that's what I admire. And with that kind of faith I know God has been and continues to be in this place. So I don't have to live at the church, the church lived here and now I do too. If that's not God telling me to stay I don't know what is. He's saying, "Stay and rest a while, I've got you. You can feel me, I'm with you here, we'll figure out the rest later. I've got great plans for you."

So I'm staying for another year. Then I'll see what he wants me to do, where he wants me to go from there. How cool is that!?! Ask and you shall receive, you just gotta learn to wait and listen.