It feels so good to serve. I'm giving my heart away, giving my time, giving my money to others in need. I've always had a heart for serving others and would serve at church service on Sunday's but that was the extent of my serving. We occasionally went to help out with the homeless ministry in inner-city Fort Worth but that was it. I was married. My obligation was to my husband and family. I worked a full time job and then had to go home to cook dinner, help with homework, cook and clean and be a wife and mom. I didn't have much time for serving others and we didn't have much money to give.

Since losing Mark I've felt the need to up my contributions. I realize how short and futile life is and I want to help as much as I can while I'm here. Rather than be all about myself and fall into the pity pot I've chosen to get out of my own head and think about other people. How can I help other people? How can I be a blessing? 

Since January I've gotten back to tithing. I've given to the local food pantry, donated to the church missions, bought school supplies for kids in need during back to school, donated to Special Olympics, volunteered with our special needs baseball team, donated to breast cancer fight campaigns, sponsored a class at our private school, served in the tots room at church in the children's ministry, served as a greeter on Sundays,  and now volunteering for hurricane Harvey victims. And it doesn't stop here. It's amazing how you can feel the love of Christ flow through you when you help other people. It brings joy to my heart and fills me up when my cup is empty. 

It's true what they say.. when you feel broken and empty, don't look for what's missing and frantically seek to fill the void. Pour yourself out more and God will fill your cup. Yes you're broken. We all are in some way. Some of us have larger cracks in our jars of clay than others but the truth is, we're all broken. So let's be broken together. Let's come together to lift each other up and serve each other. Let's be broken and blessed and be a blessing to others despite our brokenness. 

Because the irony is that the more you become a blessing to others, the less broken you feel and the more you heal. 

It's true. I'm living proof.  I'm living proof that you can have your feet knocked out from under you, the breath knocked out of you, your world shift and change dramatically overnight, and your heart ripped from your chest and STILL survive and thrive. Losing my husband was the worst thing I've ever been through. It still is. It was the hardest thing I'll ever do and learning to live without him is a journey for sure. But I'm doing it. I'm taking the next step and the next step and walking on with purpose and passion.

I love my husband and I loved being his wife but that's not my ministry anymore. Maybe God has other plans for me right now. Maybe I'm not supposed to move forward with anybody because He has me being his hands and feet down here for a while. Maybe I'm supposed to give myself away and serve others while I'm single and have more free time on my hands. Maybe one day someone else with a servant's heart will come alongside me and run the race with me. Maybe not. Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I trust that I'm in the right place at the right time. Thank you Jesus.