Today's sermon was about praying. The pastor likened prayer to surfing the raging swells of the sea. Through prayer God gives us the strength and wisdom that we need to ride the waves, not be taken under by them. OMG that is SO true! Mark's passing has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through and though I'm doing better there's not a day that goes by that I don't feel something related to him... sad about him not being here, or lonely, or angry about being alone and starting over, or scared, frustrated, discouraged. Every single day he is on my mind and in my heart but I know he's home, he's fine, it's me that struggles. The struggle is real, LOL.
I pray every day, all the time. I pray without ceasing. I never understood that verse. I thought 'How can you pray without ceasing. Who has time for that? How do you get anything else done?' I didn't realize it didn't mean walk around praying silently all day, it meant pray in every circumstance, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It means to "pray with your eyes open" as my pastor put it. Talk to God and then look and listen for His reply. Pray with your eyes open.
I'm thankful that I've let Him in and we've developed the kind of relationship where I can pray and discern His voice and see his hand at work in my life and the lives of others. It didn't happen overnight. Like any relationship it takes time and patience and nurturing. It's communication, not one sided, you have to wait and listen and look for His response. I pray all the time. I pray in the morning, in the shower, in the car, when there are hiccups during the day, and when I go to bed at night. Some prayers are longer than others. Some prayers are for others and some are for myself. Some prayers are public and I post and share them because I think they may be the words that others need to say but can't find. And some prayers are more like painful screams, uncensored and unapologetic.
Whatever they are, they are deepening my relationship with my Father and strengthening my faith and are woven into the fabric of my life, not just said on Sunday mornings and they help me to ride out the waves of life. When my pastor said prayer is like the surfboard that lets you ride the waves I got it. It is! Without prayer you're just building sandcastles, busying yourself and stressing about the tide that will come wash them away and then busying yourself again to build them again. With prayer you are on top of the wave. This is SO true! Prayer gives me peace during the storms. They remind me that He is here. HE reminds me that He is here. You can have that too. Just talk, and listen. Start there. You'll be amazed at how much you grow from there, how much your relationship grows and how you'll be able to hear him too. He's waiting and He's in the waiting.
Before I started dating I prayed for God to help me guard my heart and protect me. It's pretty ironic (but then again it's not, it's all God) anyway it's crazy that every single time I get comfortable enough to take the next step (hold hands, a kiss goodnight, etc.) something comes up or plans change or the date gets cancelled and then the guys fade away as quickly as they came in. I have enough self-confidence and self-worth to know it's not me but it still sucks. But then I remember that's God. I asked him to protect me from wrongdoers and protect my heart from being used and broken. He's doing that. It's pretty cool actually.
Thank you God for hearing my prayers and answering them in a way that's discernible so that I can share with the world how awesome and faithful you are. Thank you for your encouragement today and continue to help me to be strong and patient while I wait on your will. Lead me out onto the water and help me ride the waves of this life. I trust you and I will follow where you lead. Amen.
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