I cried in my sleep this morning. My love came to visit me. I woke up around 5 am to go to the bathroom, checked the clock on my phone and realized I still had a couple hours of sleep, so I got back in bed and fell back asleep. Then he was there.
He knelt down by the bed and stroked my hair. I could feel his fingertips on my face and neck and through my hair. He got in bed and laid next to me and he was right there, so close to me. I held his face in my hands and could feel and see his salt & pepper hair and feel his skin. He just stared at me and spoke to me with his eyes. His lips didn't move but I could hear his words. He said, "I'm here. I don't come around a lot, only during this time, because THIS was our time. This was our thing (him stroking my hair in the early morning hours). I love you." I kissed him and I could feel his sweet kiss, his soft lips, and I could feel the tears falling. I knew I was sleeping because the tears were streaming from my closed eyes. I knew I was dreaming. Then he got up and walked away. He was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans and as he walked away I chased after him, sobbing and begging him not to leave again. Then I woke up.
Oh God I miss that man! It was bittersweet to have that dream. I love that I got to hold him and kiss him but I hated to see him go again. My heart was breaking all day and I'd been doing so good. It felt like the day after all over again. After Mark passed I felt closer to God but so distant from my husband. In an instant he was gone. Just like that... gone. I didn't feel him around, see any signs that he was near or watching over me, it wasn't like the movies. He was just gone. Then this happened. It's beautiful and amazing but it definitely ripped the wound open again. But I'll live with my heart cut open if it means knowing my love is in heaven watching over me.
I came across this picture and it holds new meaning now. He posted this on my Facebook wall back in 2009. I must've been out of town and he was telling me that he missed me. Now when I read it I picture him telling me this from that side of heaven. I miss him so much and I wish I was there too. I will be and I can't wait until the day when I can see him and hold him again.
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