A month after my husband passed I had a dream that we went on a cruise with the kids. We had drinks at the bar and eventually I left him there while I went and got the kids settled in their cabin, right next door to our cabin. I accidentally fell asleep in their cabin and when I woke up the next morning I went next door and realized Mark hadn't been in our cabin. The bed was still made and it was obvious he hadn't been there so I spent the morning searching the cruise ship. As I was asking around at the bar the bartender said, "Oh, that guy cashed in his chips and got off the ship in the Bahamas."
We were still docked so I got off the ship at the port and there he was, standing with his things in his arms. I questioned him, like, "What are you doing? Come on, the ships about to leave!" He refused to get back on the ship. He kept staring at me. He wouldn't talk to me but with his eyes he was saying," I'm staying here in paradise." I kept crying and pleading, "What about me? What about the kids?" but he refused. The ships horn blew and I had to make the decision to either stay with him or get back on the ship with the kids. I turned with tears streaming down my face and left him in the Bahamas and got back on the ship.
It was the most gut-wrenching dream. It was so recently after loosing him and I felt abandoned all over again. I talked to my therapist about my dream and she said he was telling me he was in paradise. It was a parallel to heaven. I can see that. I believe it.
I came across this picture from a cruise we took to Cozumel a few years back. This was how I envisioned him in my dream, standing there with his bag, happy as a clam. He IS in paradise now. I get it. I wish I could be in paradise with him but my journey is taking longer than his did. Although I think of him everyday and miss him everyday I'm finding my happiness too. #iloveyoubig Mark Anthony. I'll see you in paradise when my time comes. Save me a spot on the beach!
#youngwidowwarrior #marksmovetoheaven
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