Is it possible to have a good day when you're grieving? I say yes! But my definition of a good day has changed since my husband moved to Heaven. Before he passed a good day meant I was successful at work, got housework done, helped my son with homework, and made a good dinner. I had money in my pocket and bank account, bills were paid, I had gas in my car, and had good conversation with my husband. A good day meant no arguments, there was laughter and joking, and hugs and kisses and I got everything on my to-do list done.
Since he moved to Heaven a good day is very different. Now a good day means that I didn't cry on the way to work. I was able to focus at work and laugh and play with my kids and accomplish simple tasks. I was able to come home and do some housework, warm something up for dinner, and hold a conversation with my son. I could talk with friends, share memories and laughs, and not stress about the future. That's a good day.
Today was a good day. Today I felt chipper and confident. Although everything didn't go as planned I took it all in stride. I had some work cancellations and started to stress about finances but I trust that it's God's way of giving me time to fully get back into things. He's making me move at the pace of grace, making sure I don't get in over my head too soon.
Today I felt "normal," whatever that means these days. My normal while missing part of my heart is different, but it wasn't sad today. I wasn't sad today. And that's okay, it doesn't mean you've forgotten about your loved one that passed or that you're "moving on" already. It just means you're living life with purpose, the life that God intended for you. God loves you where you are right now. He'll get right in the middle of the muck with you, but He loves you too much to leave you there. Don't stay there, let him pull you out.
It's okay to feel happy and find joy in life, even soon after loss. Life is worth living and there's still life to love even when part of your heart is missing. Don't feel guilty for being happy. I think joy and sadness actually coexist somehow. They both have their place in grief. Does this mean I'll have a good day tomorrow? No. Each day has troubles of its own. I may have another good day or I may completely fall apart, you just never know.
Today, though, was a good day. Today I hung my heart Valentine's Day wreath on the door and said out loud, "love still lives here," because it does. Love still lives in my home and in my heart. And in love there is joy. And in joy, the kind of joy that comes from the Lord, there is love, peace, and contentment.
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